My goal in writing this is representation. Mental illness is common in the STEM fields but is not openly talked about in the way I aim to do so here. If you are someone who knows me personally, or plan to in the future, please know that this page will not provide a pretty picture of me. This page will likely give the impression that I am weak, whiny, and really into armchair philosophy. But that's me, and that's who I had to be to get through my depression and become who I am now. I would like to thank my 11th grade English teacher Mr. Pierson, who forced me to start a journal of my thoughts which I continue to write in (now virtually). Many of my words here come directly from this journal, and I blame it as the source of angst for this article. Toxic masculinity and imposter syndrome are touched upon subtly in these articles, and my opinions on those matters will be left as an exercise for the reader.